Faith of Our Fathers

Since this is the week of Father’s day I thought that I would take the time to thank all of the men that have played the role of “father” for me during my journey into the arms of Christ.

With my parents on senior night in high school.

Clifford Cox

First off I want to start with my actual biological father, Cliff.

At an extremely early age my parents divorced. I don’t have anything that even remotely resembles a memory of my parents together as a couple. What I do have are the memories of my Dad being there for me whenever I needed him. Whether it was riding bikes together or playing baseball in our backyard on the Wednesday or every other weekend that I was able spend with him, or him standing up for me in front of a high school teacher that had treated me unfairly, my Dad was and still is always there for me. 

My Dad is a police officer by trade and upon speaking about his occupation he always relinquishes the fact that he chose his profession because of a deep desire to help and protect people. That is the kind of man that my Dad is, he will stop at nothing to love, serve, and care for his fellow human beings. My Dad is a great man!

However, when it came time to tell everyone that I was going to enter the Augustinians I was most nervous about telling my Dad because he is not Catholic. I think that it was difficult for him to digest at first, but now he is totally behind me and rejoices in my sense of fulfillment.

Msgr. Michael Kuse

Fr. Mike has been the priest at my home parish of St. Mary’s and then Blessed Sacrament since I was in the second grade.

Honestly, Fr. Mike was the only priest I had ever known before I went off to college. During my formative high school years my Mom worked in our parish offices and it seemed that Fr. Mike was always around in some way. I even remember him coming to one of our family 4^th of July celebrations (I thought it was awesome that we had a priest with us while we were illegally shooting off fireworks in my native Illinois.)

Fr. Mike really was an excellent spiritual father for me. He was always patient with me when I had questions, he was gracious to everyone that he came into contact with, and was a good and holy priest. Our community at Blessed Sacrament has been so fortunate to have Fr. Mike for so many years.

Fr. Mike will always have a special place in my life because of the longevity of our relationship. It is impossible to know and trust someone for as long as I have known and trusted Fr. Mike without him having a very distinct place in my life. It seems that in times of trial and tribulation old friends are always the ones we turn to first.

Fr. Mitchell Zimmerman

Father Mitch and I in Mexico

I first met Fr. Mitch on a pilgrimage to Mexico that I went on with the St. Lawrence Catholic Campus Center at the University of Kansas during my sophomore year. Upon first meeting Fr. Mitch I was taken aback, I honestly had never met a young and relatable priest (or as my good friend Trevor Downey calls Fr. Mitch “Studly”.)

That trip to Mexico was the beginning of my faith journey, I found myself drawn to Fr. Mitch and he so graciously and patiently took my questions. I went home from that trip with a desire to pray, which I did. Without meeting Fr. Mitch on that fateful trip, I know that I would not be where I am today. I owe him a lot.

To this day I look up to Fr. Mitch almost as that really cool older brother. I can only hope that someday as I priest I can guide young men towards Christ in the way that Fr. Mitch has guided me.

Father Doctor Steve Beseau

I have only really known Fr. Steve for a little more than a year and a half, but he is one of my favorite people of all time. I met Fr. Steve for the first time on a Koinania retreat my senior year and have admired him ever since.

Fr. Steve and I at graduation.

I recall during the second semester of my senior year that within a weeks time I had gone on two very long bus trips with Fr. Steve, one to Denver for the FOCUS regional conference and one to Washington D.C. for the March for life. It was through talking to Fr. Steve on those trips that I first felt that the priesthood might be something that God was calling me to pursue.

I thank God that he put Fr. Steve into my life when he did. I spent more than a couple hours in his office at the Saint Lawrence Center picking his brain and he was so amazing. Fr. Steve always seemed to understand exactly where I was coming and I always been able relate to him in a way that has never been duplicated by anyone else. I thank God for Fr. Steve’s presence in my life and I can only hope that I maintain contact with him as we both travel our separate ways.

P.S. Please pray for Fr. Steve as he is heals from a major medical condition.

Fr. Rick Nagel

Brian, Fr. Rick, and I at a football game.

Fr. Rick was the IUPUI chaplain and my boss during my year as a FOCUS missionary.  I know that I really got under Fr. Rick’s skin a lot (I never could figure out those Germans.)  But at the same time he taught me so much and made me a better man.

Fr. Rick showed me how to live a humble and Christ centered life. He also taught me through fraternal correction (and a lot of it.) And Fr. Rick might be one of the most charitable men that I have ever come into contact with.  I learned so much from him and we had some really fun times too, all of which I am so thankful for.

Fr. Tom McCarthy

Father Tom with me and some IUPUI students.

Fr. Tom is the vocations director for the Augustinians and is a personal favorite of mine. To quote my dear friend Brian Lee, “you will never find anyone as chill as Fr. Tom.”

Without Father Tom’s excellent advice, explanation of the Order, and hospitality I would have never found the Augustinians. I cannot wait to grow in relationship and continue to work with with Fr. Tom as my Augustinian brother.

There are many other great “fathers” that I have had in my life such as my stepdad Jim Vogel and a bunch of awesome grandfathers, as well as many priests who have touched my life in some way.

As you read this blog I hope you realize that most likely none of these men know how big of an impact that they have had on my life. So look around you and realize, that whether or not you are a father, you are playing a massive role in someone’s life!  I challenge you to be that person that brings all those around you closer to Christ and his FATHER!

To be Obedient

Quickly I would just like to apologize for not getting this blog out on time. I really struggled while writing it and it kept getting pushed back on my to-do list. I will try to have my regular blog up tomorrow as this is the end of my series. Thank you all so much for reading my blog and please consider supporting my vocation journey by donating. (Just click on the "Donate" button below or on the sidebar if you are interested in helping me pay back my loans so that I can join the Augustinians.)

Ahh…… You might have noticed that I have saved obedience for last. Well, I have a confession to make (I feel a little like St. Augustine). I didn’t save this one until the end because I wanted to make a profound statement, and I definitely don’t have anything out of the ordinary prepared for this particular blog. To be frank I saved obedience until the end, because I didn’t want to write it.

Now I have nothing against the idea of obedience, I am just terrible at it. I feel like such a hypocrite as I write these very words. So how can give advice/insight on one of my greatest weaknesses.

Well Holy Spirit I guess this is where you take over. (I really have no idea what I am going to write.)

You can ask anyone of my former bosses, teachers, or coaches and they will tell you that while I was under their command I was a handful. For the majority of my life, I believed that I was smarter, better, and more equipped to do whatever it was that I was doing than my superior was. Whether I was better equipped or not, I was wrong.

Because you see it wasn’t really until this year that I learned about being as well as following a leader. As a FOCUS missionary you are required to both lead and be led, two areas that I had not accrued much experience in.

Slowly, this past year working as a missionary, I learned what it means to be obedient. Following the guidance of the Church, FOCUS, and my two bosses Fr. Rick and Anne Marie there were a lot of rules and restrictions (many of which I did not agree with). So it was a tough time for me, the free spirited kid who had challenged authority all of my life, to accept the rules and regulations of my superiors.

I cannot lie; I definitely rebelled in the beginning. I had to do a lot of things that I did not see the point of or that I believed were just plain stupid. This rebellion of sorts put a wedge between my superiors and I. A wedge that could never fully be removed, and for this I am sorry.

However, there is good news to come out from this story. I have learned from my mistakes. I have learned that in seeking God, we must be obedient always, even if we do not understand why. We must trust that it is because He is asking us to be.

I pull a lot of strength from Christ when I am struggling with the issue of obedience. Picturing the suffering God-man, on his knees in the garden of Gethsemane begging His Father to postpone His execution if possible, is an image that gives me strength when I struggle with being obedient.

Just imagine what strength it must have taken for Christ to accept His cross on that fateful day. This man who was God and could have stopped his betrayer or executioners with the blink of an eye but didn’t, because He was obedient to the Father. I don’t know about you but that inspires and humbles me.

It inspires me and encourages me to trust in God. To trust that He is calling me to be here for a reason and that I should be privileged to suffer for His cause. You see God never promises us that serving Him will be easy. He actually tells us time and time again of the difficulties that we will face in serving Him. In reading the various letters of Paul in the New Testament. The notion that following Christ will not be easy is one that is not very hard to find. In fact one could say that suffering for our Lord is one of the central themes of Paul’s letters.

Another person that I look to for inspiration and strength is the famous Trappist monk Thomas Merton. Merton struggled mightily in his monastery, often greatly disagreeing with the commands/decisions of his superiors. At one point while hospitalized Merton even fell in love with his nurse, but because he loved God more than himself (most of the time) Thomas remained obedient and faithful to God, his order, and the priesthood of Jesus Christ.

I know that living a life of obedience is going to be tough. There are going to be hundreds of times in my life when I do not see eye to eye with my superiors. It is at these moments that I will remember why I have decided to live this way. I will look into the eyes of Christ on the cross and I will understand that He has chosen me to emulate Him as closely as I can. As He was obedient to the one that called on Him I will be obedient to all of the shepherds assigned to my care.

Much like my dear friend Thomas Merton, I will struggle, I may fail, but as long as I am rooted in prayer and the Eucharist I will overcome all that the enemy can throw at me. Not because I have done anything to make myself greater than that snotty nosed kid who had a problem with authority, but only because of the strength given to me by our Lord.

It is through Him that all things are possible, so I must always be a beacon of light pointing towards Him.

It is at this time that I would like to recognize all those living and deceased who have consecrated them to Christ and His Church by serving as religious priests, sisters, lay brothers or consecrated virgins. Without the many great saints who have maintained this dedication to Christ throughout our Church’s history, surely we would not exist as we do now.

To be Poor

A major part of my preparation for joining the Augustinians has been getting rid of my stuff. To be honest when I first decided to join the Order, getting rid of my things was something that I was not looking forward to. It is not that I am overly materialistic or especially attached to things, but just getting rid of my stuff seemed like such a scary proposition at the time.

I wondered what would I do if I happened to leave the Order. I could not picture my potential life after the Augustinians without a TV or a really nice coffee maker.

As soon as I started getting rid of these things, all of my fears quickly disappeared. I actually enjoyed living with less. Suddenly I found myself reading instead of watching TV or playing video games, I was growing in my faith and challenging myself mentally instead of wasting my time.

I also discovered that the less you have, the less you worry, but like I said I have never been too attached to things in the past.  So the lesson and the sacrifice were not as great for me as it would be for some.

To me attachment is exactly what the vow of poverty is about. While some orders do take it to the extreme and live in an utter state of poverty, like some Franciscans, poverty for many orders including the Augustinians (and many lay people as well) seems to be more focused on detachment from the things that we have, rather than having nothing at all.

What do I mean by this? Well in the scope that I view poverty, it is all about the relationship between man and the material. For instance next year I will have in my possession a very nice computer. This computer will aid me in my schoolwork, help me to stay in touch with my family and friends, allow me to raise money, and evangelize through social media (like I am right now) via the internet. All of which allow me to grow in relationship with God while causing no separation from Him.

As long as I view my computer as a tool, much in the same way as I would view a rake or a chainsaw, I am detached. The moment that I begin to elevate my computer or any other possession that I have, is when it becomes a problem. It is then that I know that I need to make a change in order to stop distancing myself from God.

I recognize this may sound kind of silly to a lot of you, but this sort of materialistic attachment is destroying our society. You cannot step outside, go on the Internet, or watch television for more than two minutes without realizing this.

We as a society are being brainwashed!

Do you know that they are calling our generation “generation me?” How disturbing, that our generation is defined by our selfish attachment and self love. When again and again studies have shown that self love and material things do not make one happier, if anything they hinder happiness.

Our societies’ attitude towards material possessions and self-love is actually the opposite of what Christ teaches us. In Luke 12:33 he tells us this:

“Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys.”

We as young men and women need to take Christ’s advice, not all of us literally, and break through the shackles that our possessions hold us in. Instead of investing so much of ourselves into what we have, we need to invest into who we are as well as growing in our individual relationship with God.

We need to detach ourselves form things of this world and attach ourselves to God and His Church.

If and when you do this, you will not only be much happier, but you will be fulfilled. I know, I have experienced it.

I have seen people thrive in real poverty. I have spent a significant amount of time in third world countries like Armenia and Mexico. It is in these places that I have seen some of the most joyful people living in the most materially impoverished conditions. Looking back on these experiences I feel selfish for fretting over the selling of my PlayStation 3.

When we turn towards the Saints we see a group of people who did exactly as Christ commanded in Luke 12. Whether it be the Precious Flower, St. Therese, who gave up a loving family and her freedom in the world to join the Carmel, the countless Martyrs such as John De Brebuf, Miguel Pro, Cecilia, and Thomas Moore who literally gave their lives for Christ and His Church, Mother Teresa who gave up a comfortable teaching position as a Sister of Loreto in order to serve the most destitute in the Indian slums, or JPII who gave up his dreams of being an actor to serve us with one of the most brilliant priesthoods of all time.

We can and should look to Christ, who lived poverty in the most beautiful of ways; giving His life so that we may live.

So as sons and daughters of God we are all called to live a life of poverty, to sell all of our things and follow Him. This “poverty” that Christ calls us to will look different for everyone, but His call is universal.

It will not be easy at first, but know that it is only through Christ that we can find true fulfillment and in order to do this we must be detached from the things of this world.

They are temporary, He is eternal.

To be Celibate

Over the next three days I will be posting three blogs on Chastity, Poverty, and Obedience. I would like to preface them by stating that I am by no means an expert on these vows, but am sharing nothing more than my own experiences and personal revelations in prayer.

All of us experience transition at some point in our lives. Whether it be from one school to another, being single to married life, college to the workforce, job to job, or the workforce to retirement, transitions are a part of our society like it or not. I am in one of those periods.

The reason that I bring up my transitional period between FOCUS and officially starting with the Augustinians, is because all of the questions about it that I am asked. Specifically the question that every future religious/seminarian faces at some point; the inevitable, “You do realize that you are making a vow of celibacy right?”  Or in the case of some of my more refined friends, “You do realize that you will never be able to have sex right?”

The first few times I was posed with this question, it upset me. I wanted to respond with sarcasm or hostility. I thought, “Do these people actually believe that I failed to consider the vow of celibacy while making the decision to join the Augustinians?”

My reactions of frustration quickly turned to ones of sorrow. I felt sorry for the people who could not get past my decision to pursue a celibate life. They were so caught up in this anomaly that they failed to inquire about the wonderful truths that had lead me to this decision.

I felt sorry for these men, because our society has crippled their manhood, so much  that they were rendered incapable of fathoming a life without a woman’s touch. I felt sorry for them, because like many  men in our society they are slaves to themselves instead of Christ.

The undeniable truth is this: that if there is something that holds so much weight in your life that you cannot live without it, then you have become that thing’s slave.

And the men of my generation have become victims of one of the greatest slavery epidemics of all time. Even CNN has recognized this: http://www.cnn.com/2012/05/23/health/living-well/demise-of-guys/index.html

But not once have I considered giving up on them. I pray for our men, I pray for all of the women that are hurt by our men, and I pray for all of the men who are trying to live righteously in a world where it often seems no one else is.

A slave is someone who is fully dependent on his master. For me this this is God. It is the fullness of the Trinity that cannot be separated from my life, and because of this I am prepared to live a celibate life, if that is what God has chosen for me.

Because you see, I am not so different from “modern man,” in the same way that many of my peers long for physical intimacy, I long for an intimate union with Christ. In the same way that our society searches for the pleasures of self, I search for the pleasures of the Lord.

We as human beings are made to seek… God. What things like pornography, video games, or any other false idolatry try to do is to emptily attempt to fulfill that void. We are made to seek, but since God is an abstract idea to many of our fellow men, they give up and seek things of this world. I’m not sure why. Maybe because it is easier, perhaps they are afraid of seeking something that they cannot obtain but contains them, or maybe they are just too blind to notice God in all His splendor throughout His creation.

The reason that I am able to seek God through celibacy (as of now), is not because I am any holier, better, or more intelligent than anyone else, but because I am truly seeking God. I have been able to embrace all of my doubts, ineptitudes, and temptations, which has allowed me to seek to serve God before myself.

I am a slave to our Lord, but is there any greater master to whom I could serve?

He is a servant leader and knows me to my core, better than I know myself. In turn He serves me better than I could serve myself.

So I seek Him above and beyond all other things. If that means through lifelong celibacy with the Augustinians I will rejoice. If it means through loving a woman and raising a family I will rejoice. I will rejoice because I am doing His will.

Now trust me, I am not even close to being anywhere near perfect in my pursuit of Christ. I fail everyday. And (the idea of) celibacy is one of the issues that I struggle with the most.

All of my life women have been one my greatest weaknesses. I LOVE THEM!

And I know that I will fail, which is okay. I am perfectly imperfect, God knows that and he loves me anyway. I am also comforted in the fact that as long as I remain rooted in prayer, I will be able to overcome any temptation that the enemy can and will throw at me.

The key to all of this is prayer. Pray everywhere and often. I believe that it was St. Theresa of Avila that said, “Show me someone who prays for fifteen minutes a day and I will show you a saint.” Take that advice and run with it, but remember it will not be easy. Growing in relationship never is.

Love then everything else.

“This perfection consists in voiding and stripping and purifying the soul of every desire. God will give to the soul a new understanding of God in God, the old human understanding being cast aside – and a new love of God in God” –St. John of the Cross