A Country of Immigrants: Our Immigration Policy is Broken and We Must Fix it

Thanks again to all of you who are reading my blog. I really appreciate it and hope that you take something away from it each time you read one of my posts. This is a letter that I wrote for one of my classes The Preferential Option for the Poor. Immigration reform is something that I am really passionate about and hopefully you are too after reading this. Please feel free to leave comments, I would love to hear from you.

To Whom it May Concern,

As you know we live in a nation built on a foundation of immigrants. Immigration is a tradition that is as American as can be. A tradition that began 392 years ago when the Mayflower crossed the Atlantic and formed the first permanent European settlement in the United States. What you may not know is that while our country is proud of our immigrant tradition and loves boasting about our national status as a “melting pot,” we have an equally lengthy tradition of rejecting, persecuting, and marginalizing immigrants in this country. Whether it be the Irish, Jews, or Italians on the East Coast, the Koreans, Chinese, and Japanese to the West, or the Hispanics to the South, the same immigrants that help build this great country were met by “Americans” with hostility and persecution, a tradition that sadly is being upheld today.
There are currently approximately 11.1 million undocumented immigrants living in the United States today and thousands more that are attempting to enter our country illegally each year. These undocumented immigrants are the backbone of our workforce, they are gladly taking the most difficult low-wage jobs that many Americans quite frankly just will not do. Yet these human beings, who play a vital role in the economy of the United States, are not being treated with the respect and dignity that every human deserves. These undocumented persons are for the most part productive, tax-paying, and all around good people, who are oftentimes the only source of income for their families in the States as well as back home in their country of Origin. Still to be undocumented in the United States means to live in fear. Each undocumented person in the United States must worry everyday about getting deported, losing everything that they’ve worked for, and having to make the treacherous journey back into the United States (most often across the U.S.-Mexican border). So why do we, a country with a rich and deep tradition of immigration, continue to promote and maintain a broken set of immigration policies? Something must be done so that the dignity of these 11 million people can be restored and they no longer will have to live in fear.

The first thing that we must do is create a legal path to citizenship for those undocumented immigrants residing in the United States. Passing the DREAM Act would be a good start. The young people who were brought to the United States illegally as children are victims. They did not choose to come into America and they certainly did not choose to break any laws. These young people should not be punished for crimes that they did not commit. Many of the people that the DREAM act would affect are as American as you and I. They grew up in the States, went to public schools, and are the children of good tax-paying parents. However, with all this being true these young men and women are being punished. These young people are not eligible for Federal Student Aid and since many of them come from low-income situations they cannot attain the level of education that will allow them to live out their full potential. Even if these young people are not interested in pursuing higher education, because of their undocumented status it proves very difficult for them to obtain gainful employment. Again these people should not be punished, the DREAM Act must be passed. Allowing these young people to become citizens would also create a pathway to citizenship for their parents by giving the new American citizens the chance to sponsor their parent’s applications for citizenship and in turn allow these people to live without fear for the first time in years.

Secondly, we must either completely secure our borders or begin to allow all people who want to work in the states, barring a criminal past, work visas. The truth is that undocumented and migrant workers provide a much needed workforce in the United States with many industries, especially agriculture, depending on the abundance of cheap labor provided by these people. Without this vital workforce that many industries depend on, our national economy certainly could not continue at it’s current level. However, if the American people are still opposed to allowing these workers from the south into this country something must be done to stop them from coming in. We must build a wall, hire more Border Patrol agents, or do something to make sure that not a single immigrant crosses into our country illegally. The current patchwork system of agents and fences is not keeping these undocumented people out of our country. All that the current system is doing is forcing those who are attempting to enter the country illegally, to cross the border in some of the most rugged terrain in the world. Each year thousands of people die trying to cross the border into the United States from Mexico and this must be stopped. These people are human beings who possess dignity and rights. Being the great nation that we are we must recognize these people and their plight and put an end to this senseless death and tragedy. This means that we must either grant a much greater number of temporary work visas to all who apply for them or create a better system that does not allow anyone to enter this country illegally. I believe in the people of the United States. I believe that we can stand up for these people, allow them the dignity that they deserve, and an opportunity obtain a better life.

Finally, we must work with Central American and Caribbean governments to create sustainable and decent paying jobs within their borders. The majority of undocumented and migrant workers are not immigrating to the United States because the want to, but rather because it is a necessity. Most of the people who cross into our country from Mexico are doing so because they cannot find work back home in Nicaragua, México, Honduras, or El Salvador and to put it bluntly their families are starving to death. As a country the United States needs to create policies that encourage and reward businesses that invest in and create good sustainable jobs in Central America. Policies like these would provide jobs for those seeking employment in the aforementioned countries and greatly reduce the need of these people to immigrate to the United States in order to survive. It would also be the foundation of a much stronger Central American economy which would provide a great trading partner for the United States in the future.

I understand that this issue is not as cut and dry as I make it out to be. I just hope that I proved the point that something must be done. Our immigration policy in this country is broken and has to be fixed. Too many people are senselessly dying because of bigotry and bad policy in America. Again we must recognize the humanity in all people, especially the poor and marginalized and provide them with the dignity and respect that should be bestowed upon all people. After all we are a nation founded by immigrants and I think we have turned out pretty well so far. So let’s continue our great countries tradition and provide an option for the poor.

Tis the season: Advent

First off, I would like to apologize for failing to post since I have been with the Augustinians. I failed to update all of you as I was afraid that I would and I am sorry. Very briefly things are going well here in Philadelphia, I am learning so much in school and even more about myself. I fully intend to give you a more thorough update in the near future. God Bless.

As Advent, my favorite liturgical season, arrives I can't help but be excited. This is a time for us to anticipate the arrival of Christ. The reason that I really love Advent so much is because when you really think about it, life is an Advent. We are always waiting for, yearning for, and longing for the meaning, purpose, light, salvation, and mercy that only God can give us.

While Advent is a time of great joy and celebration, it is also important to remember that Christ is here with us already! The birth, death, and resurrection of Christ have already happened and will continue for all of eternity. How awesome! It is so great that we can remember Christ through the liturgical seasons and holidays and Advent provides an excellent opportunity for personal renewal and reflection, we cannot forget the ultimate reason we celebrate this joyous season.

The resurrection of Christ of course!

For, as Paul says in his first letter to the Corinthians, "without the Resurrection we might as well eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die. The Resurrection is central to the Christian identity and the reason that we celebrate Advent. This is something that we cannot forget.

As we eagerly anticipate Christ's birth during this season of Advent, let us not forget that at every moment all around the world Christ's death and resurrection are being remembered and celebrated in the Holy Mass. During Advent it is imperative that we are thankful for the resurrection, because it fulfilled both the birth and death of Christ.

So I guess you could say that the Resurrection is the reason for the season.

God Bless,
-Logan

Living and Living Well

A few weeks ago, one of my Facebook friends posted a quote by a Saint or religious figure (for the life of me I can’t remember who it was by). Honestly, I can’t even remember the quote, just the resonating effect it had on me, it is funny how life works that way, what I can remember is the quote referencing something about discipline being the foundation of any life.

After literally Googling “Catholic quotes on discipline” and searching for about five minutes, I found nothing. I am truly sorry that I can’t share it with you, my devoted readers.

In the weird way that my mind works, that mysterious quote immediately took me to a country song, “Living and Living Well” by George Strait. The specific line in the song that I thought of was one that goes, “there’s a difference between living and living well.” That line, such a simple idea, from a song that I have heard hundreds of times struck me.

Suddenly I had found myself contemplating whether I was “living” or “living well.” Now obviously my thought process went a little deeper, and it wasn’t long until I came to a conclusion, a conclusion that I wasn’t ready to hear.

I realized that I had been going through the motions, maybe not all of the time, and maybe not compared to other people, but I was not living to the standard that Christ has called me to live.

I always like to use the analogy of running strait towards the open arms of Christ and I admit it, at best I was stumbling towards Him like a drunken sailor. I took a step back, looked at who I was, and hated what I saw.

Now, I wish that I could share with you a debonair story about how I immediately fixed my wayward style of living and started to run into Christ’s arms again, but……… I didn’t. In fact I might have actually gotten worse.

Looking back at it, I felt like Paul did during the year after he had his revelation when he sort of disappeared (ok I’m being a bit dramatic). I really struggled for about the first five days, constantly telling myself that I would change tomorrow. As I am sure all of you know, that method never works.

So I turned to prayer. I actually wasn’t even praying for myself, I was praying for my good friends Brian Lee and Lucas Nieto who were starting their pilgrimage on the Camino de Santiago. And guess what, I suddenly had the desire to start making the pertinent changes in my life to spark the new me. During my prayer I discovered the solace that I desperately needed.

I went to confession, started praying regularly agian and slowly but surely I began to get back on the path towards Christ’s open arms.

Now, I am not claiming to be even close to perfect in my pursuit of Christ, none of us are. What I ‘m doing is running, once again I find myself running as fast and hard as I can into the open arms of Christ and it has been good. At this point I would actually like to extend an invitation to you to run with me. Run with me toward the open arms of Christ. Run, in the same way that you would run towards a loved one that you haven’t seen in ages, a loved one that perhaps you had thought to be dead. Run, run with me, ignoring all of the possible distractions and evading the occasional obstacle, into those loving, most loving arms of Christ. Like any long distance race it will be tough, but trust me there is no greater finish line.

Oh and don’t be afraid to invite others to run alongside you.

Faith of Our Fathers

Since this is the week of Father’s day I thought that I would take the time to thank all of the men that have played the role of “father” for me during my journey into the arms of Christ.

With my parents on senior night in high school.

Clifford Cox

First off I want to start with my actual biological father, Cliff.

At an extremely early age my parents divorced. I don’t have anything that even remotely resembles a memory of my parents together as a couple. What I do have are the memories of my Dad being there for me whenever I needed him. Whether it was riding bikes together or playing baseball in our backyard on the Wednesday or every other weekend that I was able spend with him, or him standing up for me in front of a high school teacher that had treated me unfairly, my Dad was and still is always there for me. 

My Dad is a police officer by trade and upon speaking about his occupation he always relinquishes the fact that he chose his profession because of a deep desire to help and protect people. That is the kind of man that my Dad is, he will stop at nothing to love, serve, and care for his fellow human beings. My Dad is a great man!

However, when it came time to tell everyone that I was going to enter the Augustinians I was most nervous about telling my Dad because he is not Catholic. I think that it was difficult for him to digest at first, but now he is totally behind me and rejoices in my sense of fulfillment.

Msgr. Michael Kuse

Fr. Mike has been the priest at my home parish of St. Mary’s and then Blessed Sacrament since I was in the second grade.

Honestly, Fr. Mike was the only priest I had ever known before I went off to college. During my formative high school years my Mom worked in our parish offices and it seemed that Fr. Mike was always around in some way. I even remember him coming to one of our family 4^th of July celebrations (I thought it was awesome that we had a priest with us while we were illegally shooting off fireworks in my native Illinois.)

Fr. Mike really was an excellent spiritual father for me. He was always patient with me when I had questions, he was gracious to everyone that he came into contact with, and was a good and holy priest. Our community at Blessed Sacrament has been so fortunate to have Fr. Mike for so many years.

Fr. Mike will always have a special place in my life because of the longevity of our relationship. It is impossible to know and trust someone for as long as I have known and trusted Fr. Mike without him having a very distinct place in my life. It seems that in times of trial and tribulation old friends are always the ones we turn to first.

Fr. Mitchell Zimmerman

Father Mitch and I in Mexico

I first met Fr. Mitch on a pilgrimage to Mexico that I went on with the St. Lawrence Catholic Campus Center at the University of Kansas during my sophomore year. Upon first meeting Fr. Mitch I was taken aback, I honestly had never met a young and relatable priest (or as my good friend Trevor Downey calls Fr. Mitch “Studly”.)

That trip to Mexico was the beginning of my faith journey, I found myself drawn to Fr. Mitch and he so graciously and patiently took my questions. I went home from that trip with a desire to pray, which I did. Without meeting Fr. Mitch on that fateful trip, I know that I would not be where I am today. I owe him a lot.

To this day I look up to Fr. Mitch almost as that really cool older brother. I can only hope that someday as I priest I can guide young men towards Christ in the way that Fr. Mitch has guided me.

Father Doctor Steve Beseau

I have only really known Fr. Steve for a little more than a year and a half, but he is one of my favorite people of all time. I met Fr. Steve for the first time on a Koinania retreat my senior year and have admired him ever since.

Fr. Steve and I at graduation.

I recall during the second semester of my senior year that within a weeks time I had gone on two very long bus trips with Fr. Steve, one to Denver for the FOCUS regional conference and one to Washington D.C. for the March for life. It was through talking to Fr. Steve on those trips that I first felt that the priesthood might be something that God was calling me to pursue.

I thank God that he put Fr. Steve into my life when he did. I spent more than a couple hours in his office at the Saint Lawrence Center picking his brain and he was so amazing. Fr. Steve always seemed to understand exactly where I was coming and I always been able relate to him in a way that has never been duplicated by anyone else. I thank God for Fr. Steve’s presence in my life and I can only hope that I maintain contact with him as we both travel our separate ways.

P.S. Please pray for Fr. Steve as he is heals from a major medical condition.

Fr. Rick Nagel

Brian, Fr. Rick, and I at a football game.

Fr. Rick was the IUPUI chaplain and my boss during my year as a FOCUS missionary.  I know that I really got under Fr. Rick’s skin a lot (I never could figure out those Germans.)  But at the same time he taught me so much and made me a better man.

Fr. Rick showed me how to live a humble and Christ centered life. He also taught me through fraternal correction (and a lot of it.) And Fr. Rick might be one of the most charitable men that I have ever come into contact with.  I learned so much from him and we had some really fun times too, all of which I am so thankful for.

Fr. Tom McCarthy

Father Tom with me and some IUPUI students.

Fr. Tom is the vocations director for the Augustinians and is a personal favorite of mine. To quote my dear friend Brian Lee, “you will never find anyone as chill as Fr. Tom.”

Without Father Tom’s excellent advice, explanation of the Order, and hospitality I would have never found the Augustinians. I cannot wait to grow in relationship and continue to work with with Fr. Tom as my Augustinian brother.

There are many other great “fathers” that I have had in my life such as my stepdad Jim Vogel and a bunch of awesome grandfathers, as well as many priests who have touched my life in some way.

As you read this blog I hope you realize that most likely none of these men know how big of an impact that they have had on my life. So look around you and realize, that whether or not you are a father, you are playing a massive role in someone’s life!  I challenge you to be that person that brings all those around you closer to Christ and his FATHER!

To be Obedient

Quickly I would just like to apologize for not getting this blog out on time. I really struggled while writing it and it kept getting pushed back on my to-do list. I will try to have my regular blog up tomorrow as this is the end of my series. Thank you all so much for reading my blog and please consider supporting my vocation journey by donating. (Just click on the "Donate" button below or on the sidebar if you are interested in helping me pay back my loans so that I can join the Augustinians.)

Ahh…… You might have noticed that I have saved obedience for last. Well, I have a confession to make (I feel a little like St. Augustine). I didn’t save this one until the end because I wanted to make a profound statement, and I definitely don’t have anything out of the ordinary prepared for this particular blog. To be frank I saved obedience until the end, because I didn’t want to write it.

Now I have nothing against the idea of obedience, I am just terrible at it. I feel like such a hypocrite as I write these very words. So how can give advice/insight on one of my greatest weaknesses.

Well Holy Spirit I guess this is where you take over. (I really have no idea what I am going to write.)

You can ask anyone of my former bosses, teachers, or coaches and they will tell you that while I was under their command I was a handful. For the majority of my life, I believed that I was smarter, better, and more equipped to do whatever it was that I was doing than my superior was. Whether I was better equipped or not, I was wrong.

Because you see it wasn’t really until this year that I learned about being as well as following a leader. As a FOCUS missionary you are required to both lead and be led, two areas that I had not accrued much experience in.

Slowly, this past year working as a missionary, I learned what it means to be obedient. Following the guidance of the Church, FOCUS, and my two bosses Fr. Rick and Anne Marie there were a lot of rules and restrictions (many of which I did not agree with). So it was a tough time for me, the free spirited kid who had challenged authority all of my life, to accept the rules and regulations of my superiors.

I cannot lie; I definitely rebelled in the beginning. I had to do a lot of things that I did not see the point of or that I believed were just plain stupid. This rebellion of sorts put a wedge between my superiors and I. A wedge that could never fully be removed, and for this I am sorry.

However, there is good news to come out from this story. I have learned from my mistakes. I have learned that in seeking God, we must be obedient always, even if we do not understand why. We must trust that it is because He is asking us to be.

I pull a lot of strength from Christ when I am struggling with the issue of obedience. Picturing the suffering God-man, on his knees in the garden of Gethsemane begging His Father to postpone His execution if possible, is an image that gives me strength when I struggle with being obedient.

Just imagine what strength it must have taken for Christ to accept His cross on that fateful day. This man who was God and could have stopped his betrayer or executioners with the blink of an eye but didn’t, because He was obedient to the Father. I don’t know about you but that inspires and humbles me.

It inspires me and encourages me to trust in God. To trust that He is calling me to be here for a reason and that I should be privileged to suffer for His cause. You see God never promises us that serving Him will be easy. He actually tells us time and time again of the difficulties that we will face in serving Him. In reading the various letters of Paul in the New Testament. The notion that following Christ will not be easy is one that is not very hard to find. In fact one could say that suffering for our Lord is one of the central themes of Paul’s letters.

Another person that I look to for inspiration and strength is the famous Trappist monk Thomas Merton. Merton struggled mightily in his monastery, often greatly disagreeing with the commands/decisions of his superiors. At one point while hospitalized Merton even fell in love with his nurse, but because he loved God more than himself (most of the time) Thomas remained obedient and faithful to God, his order, and the priesthood of Jesus Christ.

I know that living a life of obedience is going to be tough. There are going to be hundreds of times in my life when I do not see eye to eye with my superiors. It is at these moments that I will remember why I have decided to live this way. I will look into the eyes of Christ on the cross and I will understand that He has chosen me to emulate Him as closely as I can. As He was obedient to the one that called on Him I will be obedient to all of the shepherds assigned to my care.

Much like my dear friend Thomas Merton, I will struggle, I may fail, but as long as I am rooted in prayer and the Eucharist I will overcome all that the enemy can throw at me. Not because I have done anything to make myself greater than that snotty nosed kid who had a problem with authority, but only because of the strength given to me by our Lord.

It is through Him that all things are possible, so I must always be a beacon of light pointing towards Him.

It is at this time that I would like to recognize all those living and deceased who have consecrated them to Christ and His Church by serving as religious priests, sisters, lay brothers or consecrated virgins. Without the many great saints who have maintained this dedication to Christ throughout our Church’s history, surely we would not exist as we do now.

To be Poor

A major part of my preparation for joining the Augustinians has been getting rid of my stuff. To be honest when I first decided to join the Order, getting rid of my things was something that I was not looking forward to. It is not that I am overly materialistic or especially attached to things, but just getting rid of my stuff seemed like such a scary proposition at the time.

I wondered what would I do if I happened to leave the Order. I could not picture my potential life after the Augustinians without a TV or a really nice coffee maker.

As soon as I started getting rid of these things, all of my fears quickly disappeared. I actually enjoyed living with less. Suddenly I found myself reading instead of watching TV or playing video games, I was growing in my faith and challenging myself mentally instead of wasting my time.

I also discovered that the less you have, the less you worry, but like I said I have never been too attached to things in the past.  So the lesson and the sacrifice were not as great for me as it would be for some.

To me attachment is exactly what the vow of poverty is about. While some orders do take it to the extreme and live in an utter state of poverty, like some Franciscans, poverty for many orders including the Augustinians (and many lay people as well) seems to be more focused on detachment from the things that we have, rather than having nothing at all.

What do I mean by this? Well in the scope that I view poverty, it is all about the relationship between man and the material. For instance next year I will have in my possession a very nice computer. This computer will aid me in my schoolwork, help me to stay in touch with my family and friends, allow me to raise money, and evangelize through social media (like I am right now) via the internet. All of which allow me to grow in relationship with God while causing no separation from Him.

As long as I view my computer as a tool, much in the same way as I would view a rake or a chainsaw, I am detached. The moment that I begin to elevate my computer or any other possession that I have, is when it becomes a problem. It is then that I know that I need to make a change in order to stop distancing myself from God.

I recognize this may sound kind of silly to a lot of you, but this sort of materialistic attachment is destroying our society. You cannot step outside, go on the Internet, or watch television for more than two minutes without realizing this.

We as a society are being brainwashed!

Do you know that they are calling our generation “generation me?” How disturbing, that our generation is defined by our selfish attachment and self love. When again and again studies have shown that self love and material things do not make one happier, if anything they hinder happiness.

Our societies’ attitude towards material possessions and self-love is actually the opposite of what Christ teaches us. In Luke 12:33 he tells us this:

“Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys.”

We as young men and women need to take Christ’s advice, not all of us literally, and break through the shackles that our possessions hold us in. Instead of investing so much of ourselves into what we have, we need to invest into who we are as well as growing in our individual relationship with God.

We need to detach ourselves form things of this world and attach ourselves to God and His Church.

If and when you do this, you will not only be much happier, but you will be fulfilled. I know, I have experienced it.

I have seen people thrive in real poverty. I have spent a significant amount of time in third world countries like Armenia and Mexico. It is in these places that I have seen some of the most joyful people living in the most materially impoverished conditions. Looking back on these experiences I feel selfish for fretting over the selling of my PlayStation 3.

When we turn towards the Saints we see a group of people who did exactly as Christ commanded in Luke 12. Whether it be the Precious Flower, St. Therese, who gave up a loving family and her freedom in the world to join the Carmel, the countless Martyrs such as John De Brebuf, Miguel Pro, Cecilia, and Thomas Moore who literally gave their lives for Christ and His Church, Mother Teresa who gave up a comfortable teaching position as a Sister of Loreto in order to serve the most destitute in the Indian slums, or JPII who gave up his dreams of being an actor to serve us with one of the most brilliant priesthoods of all time.

We can and should look to Christ, who lived poverty in the most beautiful of ways; giving His life so that we may live.

So as sons and daughters of God we are all called to live a life of poverty, to sell all of our things and follow Him. This “poverty” that Christ calls us to will look different for everyone, but His call is universal.

It will not be easy at first, but know that it is only through Christ that we can find true fulfillment and in order to do this we must be detached from the things of this world.

They are temporary, He is eternal.

To be Celibate

Over the next three days I will be posting three blogs on Chastity, Poverty, and Obedience. I would like to preface them by stating that I am by no means an expert on these vows, but am sharing nothing more than my own experiences and personal revelations in prayer.

All of us experience transition at some point in our lives. Whether it be from one school to another, being single to married life, college to the workforce, job to job, or the workforce to retirement, transitions are a part of our society like it or not. I am in one of those periods.

The reason that I bring up my transitional period between FOCUS and officially starting with the Augustinians, is because all of the questions about it that I am asked. Specifically the question that every future religious/seminarian faces at some point; the inevitable, “You do realize that you are making a vow of celibacy right?”  Or in the case of some of my more refined friends, “You do realize that you will never be able to have sex right?”

The first few times I was posed with this question, it upset me. I wanted to respond with sarcasm or hostility. I thought, “Do these people actually believe that I failed to consider the vow of celibacy while making the decision to join the Augustinians?”

My reactions of frustration quickly turned to ones of sorrow. I felt sorry for the people who could not get past my decision to pursue a celibate life. They were so caught up in this anomaly that they failed to inquire about the wonderful truths that had lead me to this decision.

I felt sorry for these men, because our society has crippled their manhood, so much  that they were rendered incapable of fathoming a life without a woman’s touch. I felt sorry for them, because like many  men in our society they are slaves to themselves instead of Christ.

The undeniable truth is this: that if there is something that holds so much weight in your life that you cannot live without it, then you have become that thing’s slave.

And the men of my generation have become victims of one of the greatest slavery epidemics of all time. Even CNN has recognized this: http://www.cnn.com/2012/05/23/health/living-well/demise-of-guys/index.html

But not once have I considered giving up on them. I pray for our men, I pray for all of the women that are hurt by our men, and I pray for all of the men who are trying to live righteously in a world where it often seems no one else is.

A slave is someone who is fully dependent on his master. For me this this is God. It is the fullness of the Trinity that cannot be separated from my life, and because of this I am prepared to live a celibate life, if that is what God has chosen for me.

Because you see, I am not so different from “modern man,” in the same way that many of my peers long for physical intimacy, I long for an intimate union with Christ. In the same way that our society searches for the pleasures of self, I search for the pleasures of the Lord.

We as human beings are made to seek… God. What things like pornography, video games, or any other false idolatry try to do is to emptily attempt to fulfill that void. We are made to seek, but since God is an abstract idea to many of our fellow men, they give up and seek things of this world. I’m not sure why. Maybe because it is easier, perhaps they are afraid of seeking something that they cannot obtain but contains them, or maybe they are just too blind to notice God in all His splendor throughout His creation.

The reason that I am able to seek God through celibacy (as of now), is not because I am any holier, better, or more intelligent than anyone else, but because I am truly seeking God. I have been able to embrace all of my doubts, ineptitudes, and temptations, which has allowed me to seek to serve God before myself.

I am a slave to our Lord, but is there any greater master to whom I could serve?

He is a servant leader and knows me to my core, better than I know myself. In turn He serves me better than I could serve myself.

So I seek Him above and beyond all other things. If that means through lifelong celibacy with the Augustinians I will rejoice. If it means through loving a woman and raising a family I will rejoice. I will rejoice because I am doing His will.

Now trust me, I am not even close to being anywhere near perfect in my pursuit of Christ. I fail everyday. And (the idea of) celibacy is one of the issues that I struggle with the most.

All of my life women have been one my greatest weaknesses. I LOVE THEM!

And I know that I will fail, which is okay. I am perfectly imperfect, God knows that and he loves me anyway. I am also comforted in the fact that as long as I remain rooted in prayer, I will be able to overcome any temptation that the enemy can and will throw at me.

The key to all of this is prayer. Pray everywhere and often. I believe that it was St. Theresa of Avila that said, “Show me someone who prays for fifteen minutes a day and I will show you a saint.” Take that advice and run with it, but remember it will not be easy. Growing in relationship never is.

Love then everything else.

“This perfection consists in voiding and stripping and purifying the soul of every desire. God will give to the soul a new understanding of God in God, the old human understanding being cast aside – and a new love of God in God” –St. John of the Cross

I Love FOCUS, But I Love God More

I love FOCUS.

As I sit here in Champaign, Illinois for FOCUS’ retiring staff training (a definite end to a great chapter in my life), I am in a state of distress. Being here and seeing all of the wonderful people who have walked with me and assisted in my Christian journey this year has been truly remarkable.

But as it seems to happen with change, it has been a wretched experience saying goodbye to all of the great people that I have grown to love over the past year. It has also been extremely difficult seeing all of the young and energetic new missionaries coming into training full of excitement and ready to evangelize the world.  And I guess I can’t leave out the fact that there are a bunch of beautiful and holy girls that have just come off of a year long dating fast.

I love this organization, I love these people, and right now I do not want to leave.

I’m being honest; FOCUS is one of the greatest organizations that I have ever been involved in. FOCUS missionaries are playing a huge part in radically changing the Catholic landscape of our country, by bringing the radical message of Jesus Christ to the campuses of the United States. And I loved being a part of it. (If you have never heard of FOCUS check them out at www.focus.org and consider supporting a missionary or even joining staff yourself.)

My time with FOCUS was never easy; I actually struggled more this past year than I ever have before. But I thank God for that. I thank him, because without all of the suffering that I went through this year I would not know myself, especially my weaknesses, as I do now. I also thank God that there is a group of men and women in Indiana that have dramatically changed their lives in order to follow Christ, because of my teams presence at IUPUI.

If it were up to me, I would love to stay and have a long and prosperous career as a FOCUS missionary because I love this organization. But it is not up to me. It is up to God.

A little over a year ago I made a decision to abandon myself, to give up all of my worldly desires, goals, and plans in order to fulfill God’s will. After a year of prayer it had become evident that, while FOCUS is an amazing organization, God is calling me to something more as an Augustinian.

I love FOCUS, but I love God more. Because I love God and have turned my life over to Him, I have been able to cast aside my desires and answer his summons. I have made one of the most difficult decisions and am following His will. I believe that because FOCUS is such an obvious good and I was serving the Church in a direct way that my decision was even more difficult. This being said I have no regrets. I am excited to truly be open to and following His will truly for the first time in my life.

In closing I just want to encourage all of you who are reading this to truly open up their hearts to Jesus Christ in a radical way and through prayer, fasting, and the sacraments truly open up your hearts to whatever God is calling you to even if it doesn’t fit into your plans. Because Heaven is worth it.

I love FOCUS, but I love God more.

In Search of Pizza

In Search of Pizza

Since this is my first official blog I would like to take a brief moment to share its purpose. This blog is meant for you the reader. It is to inform and educate the audience about the vocation of priesthood, the Order of Saint Augustine, the Catholic Church, and my own life. Hopefully each reader will come away taking something from this blog, as well as helping me out along my journey.

Last week I left on a bike trip with my friend Jake. The plan was to essentially circumnavigate Lake Erie (leaving from Indy, going through Ohio, Pennsylvania, and New York, cross into Canada, and finally cross back into Ohio via a ferry from Canada.) Upon leaving I was extremely excited for the trip. I have always considered myself an adventurous person, and this trip was just going to be another line on my resume of adventurous accomplishments.

Halfway through the first day, it hit me, an all over body ache that did not leave me for the remainder of the trip. It seemed with every pedal stroke I took that my body revolted even more, but I made it to the end of that first day in Bowling Green Ohio. The final four days were more of the same, suffering through the day only to collapse at our final destination into my sleeping bag. The pain that I experienced, combined with the worst sunburn I have ever had, and my unsuccessful search to fulfill my pizza craving during the trip made me for lack of a better word, miserable.

Unfortunately Jake and I did not get the opportunity to complete the trip. Due to mechanical problems with the Canadian Ferry, we were forced to spend our last night in Buffalo as we waited for a friend to come pick us up. I was bummed to say the least. I had failed.

Now do not get me wrong, I loved the trip and had a great time. I have always loved biking and I saw some beautiful things and met some extraordinary people along the way, but I also suffered a lot and failed to achieve the big picture goal of riding back through Canada.

Reflecting back on my trip this suffering that I went through was actually the greatest gift that I received. I learned that it really is impossible to grow without suffering. While my body ached all over, it only made me appreciate each mile that much more. And during the endless hours on the bike I was able to think and reflect about how much God has truly blessed me in my life.

Like much of society I had previously been a comfort seeker. I would do, say, and act in a way that provided the most physical and mental comfort for me. In the past I would always take the shortest and easiest route to the goal, including prayer. So the ideas of sacrificial love and suffering always really confused me and I always wanted to punch someone in the face every time they told me to “offer it up”.

But this bike trip was different for me, I actually took one of the most difficult routes, in all actuality I did the opposite of seeking comfort.

And during all the hours of pain what did I do? I turned to prayer. I prayed and prayed and prayed, not for myself or for an ease to my suffering, but I prayed for all those that I love, I prayed that all could understand that we are not made for comfort but for greatness, through the Rosary I thanked God for all of the blessings He has given me in my life, and I prayed for you.

Towards the end of the trip, in the rolling hills of Southern New York, I became discouraged. It seemed that every time I used all of my energy to reach the apex of a hill, that another much larger and steeper hill was waiting for me. But I kept going, the idea hits me now that this must be how Christ felt as he carried His cross up that last hill. It must have seemed pointless, He could have just laid down and refused to move, but he didn’t. Instead he conquered Calvary he made it to the top for nothing more than to die, but the rewards for us His beloved creations were immense.

 As I rode my bike into Buffalo I was disappointed, we were not achieving the goal. As an ultra competitive person I was actually devastated, but then I began to think about it and I realized that in a way I had climbed my own sort of Calvary. No I didn’t achieve my goal, but I did grow in relationship with Christ and began to understand for the first time in my life sacrificial love and suffering, things that, as I study to be a priest and a religious are essential to know, understand, and embrace. The suffering and sacrifice of a priest after all is the reason they wear black, to not only signify their personal sacrifices, but also to signify the ultimate sacrifice of Christ on the cross.

In Buffalo we finally did eat some pizza, and man did it taste good! It was during that last dinner that I actually did die to myself. I began truly living for others and for God, not because it benefits me, but because of love. A love that was first shown to me by Jesus Christ, a love that I can now begin to practice myself.