To be Obedient

Quickly I would just like to apologize for not getting this blog out on time. I really struggled while writing it and it kept getting pushed back on my to-do list. I will try to have my regular blog up tomorrow as this is the end of my series. Thank you all so much for reading my blog and please consider supporting my vocation journey by donating. (Just click on the "Donate" button below or on the sidebar if you are interested in helping me pay back my loans so that I can join the Augustinians.)

Ahh…… You might have noticed that I have saved obedience for last. Well, I have a confession to make (I feel a little like St. Augustine). I didn’t save this one until the end because I wanted to make a profound statement, and I definitely don’t have anything out of the ordinary prepared for this particular blog. To be frank I saved obedience until the end, because I didn’t want to write it.

Now I have nothing against the idea of obedience, I am just terrible at it. I feel like such a hypocrite as I write these very words. So how can give advice/insight on one of my greatest weaknesses.

Well Holy Spirit I guess this is where you take over. (I really have no idea what I am going to write.)

You can ask anyone of my former bosses, teachers, or coaches and they will tell you that while I was under their command I was a handful. For the majority of my life, I believed that I was smarter, better, and more equipped to do whatever it was that I was doing than my superior was. Whether I was better equipped or not, I was wrong.

Because you see it wasn’t really until this year that I learned about being as well as following a leader. As a FOCUS missionary you are required to both lead and be led, two areas that I had not accrued much experience in.

Slowly, this past year working as a missionary, I learned what it means to be obedient. Following the guidance of the Church, FOCUS, and my two bosses Fr. Rick and Anne Marie there were a lot of rules and restrictions (many of which I did not agree with). So it was a tough time for me, the free spirited kid who had challenged authority all of my life, to accept the rules and regulations of my superiors.

I cannot lie; I definitely rebelled in the beginning. I had to do a lot of things that I did not see the point of or that I believed were just plain stupid. This rebellion of sorts put a wedge between my superiors and I. A wedge that could never fully be removed, and for this I am sorry.

However, there is good news to come out from this story. I have learned from my mistakes. I have learned that in seeking God, we must be obedient always, even if we do not understand why. We must trust that it is because He is asking us to be.

I pull a lot of strength from Christ when I am struggling with the issue of obedience. Picturing the suffering God-man, on his knees in the garden of Gethsemane begging His Father to postpone His execution if possible, is an image that gives me strength when I struggle with being obedient.

Just imagine what strength it must have taken for Christ to accept His cross on that fateful day. This man who was God and could have stopped his betrayer or executioners with the blink of an eye but didn’t, because He was obedient to the Father. I don’t know about you but that inspires and humbles me.

It inspires me and encourages me to trust in God. To trust that He is calling me to be here for a reason and that I should be privileged to suffer for His cause. You see God never promises us that serving Him will be easy. He actually tells us time and time again of the difficulties that we will face in serving Him. In reading the various letters of Paul in the New Testament. The notion that following Christ will not be easy is one that is not very hard to find. In fact one could say that suffering for our Lord is one of the central themes of Paul’s letters.

Another person that I look to for inspiration and strength is the famous Trappist monk Thomas Merton. Merton struggled mightily in his monastery, often greatly disagreeing with the commands/decisions of his superiors. At one point while hospitalized Merton even fell in love with his nurse, but because he loved God more than himself (most of the time) Thomas remained obedient and faithful to God, his order, and the priesthood of Jesus Christ.

I know that living a life of obedience is going to be tough. There are going to be hundreds of times in my life when I do not see eye to eye with my superiors. It is at these moments that I will remember why I have decided to live this way. I will look into the eyes of Christ on the cross and I will understand that He has chosen me to emulate Him as closely as I can. As He was obedient to the one that called on Him I will be obedient to all of the shepherds assigned to my care.

Much like my dear friend Thomas Merton, I will struggle, I may fail, but as long as I am rooted in prayer and the Eucharist I will overcome all that the enemy can throw at me. Not because I have done anything to make myself greater than that snotty nosed kid who had a problem with authority, but only because of the strength given to me by our Lord.

It is through Him that all things are possible, so I must always be a beacon of light pointing towards Him.

It is at this time that I would like to recognize all those living and deceased who have consecrated them to Christ and His Church by serving as religious priests, sisters, lay brothers or consecrated virgins. Without the many great saints who have maintained this dedication to Christ throughout our Church’s history, surely we would not exist as we do now.