I love FOCUS.
As I sit here in Champaign, Illinois for FOCUS’ retiring
staff training (a definite end to a great chapter in my life), I am in a state
of distress. Being here and seeing all of the wonderful people who have walked
with me and assisted in my Christian journey this year has been truly remarkable.
But as it seems to happen with change, it has been a
wretched experience saying goodbye to all of the great people that I have grown
to love over the past year. It has also been extremely difficult seeing all of
the young and energetic new missionaries coming into training full of
excitement and ready to evangelize the world.
And I guess I can’t leave out the fact that there are a bunch of
beautiful and holy girls that have just come off of a year long dating fast.
I love this organization, I love these people, and right now
I do not want to leave.
I’m being honest; FOCUS is one of the greatest organizations
that I have ever been involved in. FOCUS missionaries are playing a huge part
in radically changing the Catholic landscape of our country, by bringing the
radical message of Jesus Christ to the campuses of the United States. And I
loved being a part of it. (If you have never heard of FOCUS check them out at www.focus.org and consider supporting a missionary
or even joining staff yourself.)
My time with FOCUS was never easy; I actually struggled more
this past year than I ever have before. But I thank God for that. I thank him,
because without all of the suffering that I went through this year I would not
know myself, especially my weaknesses, as I do now. I also thank God that there
is a group of men and women in Indiana that have dramatically changed their
lives in order to follow Christ, because of my teams presence at IUPUI.
If it were up to me, I would love to stay and have a long
and prosperous career as a FOCUS missionary because I love this organization.
But it is not up to me. It is up to God.
A little over a year ago I made a decision to abandon
myself, to give up all of my worldly desires, goals, and plans in order to fulfill
God’s will. After a year of prayer it had become evident that, while FOCUS is
an amazing organization, God is calling me to something more as an Augustinian.
I love FOCUS, but I love God more. Because I love God and have
turned my life over to Him, I have been able to cast aside my desires and
answer his summons. I have made one of the most difficult decisions and am
following His will. I believe that because FOCUS is such an obvious good and I
was serving the Church in a direct way that my decision was even more
difficult. This being said I have no regrets. I am excited to truly be open to
and following His will truly for the first time in my life.
In closing I just want to encourage all of you who are
reading this to truly open up their hearts to Jesus Christ in a radical way and
through prayer, fasting, and the sacraments truly open up your hearts to
whatever God is calling you to even if it doesn’t fit into your plans. Because
Heaven is worth it.
I love FOCUS, but I love God more.
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