To be Celibate

Over the next three days I will be posting three blogs on Chastity, Poverty, and Obedience. I would like to preface them by stating that I am by no means an expert on these vows, but am sharing nothing more than my own experiences and personal revelations in prayer.

All of us experience transition at some point in our lives. Whether it be from one school to another, being single to married life, college to the workforce, job to job, or the workforce to retirement, transitions are a part of our society like it or not. I am in one of those periods.

The reason that I bring up my transitional period between FOCUS and officially starting with the Augustinians, is because all of the questions about it that I am asked. Specifically the question that every future religious/seminarian faces at some point; the inevitable, “You do realize that you are making a vow of celibacy right?”  Or in the case of some of my more refined friends, “You do realize that you will never be able to have sex right?”

The first few times I was posed with this question, it upset me. I wanted to respond with sarcasm or hostility. I thought, “Do these people actually believe that I failed to consider the vow of celibacy while making the decision to join the Augustinians?”

My reactions of frustration quickly turned to ones of sorrow. I felt sorry for the people who could not get past my decision to pursue a celibate life. They were so caught up in this anomaly that they failed to inquire about the wonderful truths that had lead me to this decision.

I felt sorry for these men, because our society has crippled their manhood, so much  that they were rendered incapable of fathoming a life without a woman’s touch. I felt sorry for them, because like many  men in our society they are slaves to themselves instead of Christ.

The undeniable truth is this: that if there is something that holds so much weight in your life that you cannot live without it, then you have become that thing’s slave.

And the men of my generation have become victims of one of the greatest slavery epidemics of all time. Even CNN has recognized this: http://www.cnn.com/2012/05/23/health/living-well/demise-of-guys/index.html

But not once have I considered giving up on them. I pray for our men, I pray for all of the women that are hurt by our men, and I pray for all of the men who are trying to live righteously in a world where it often seems no one else is.

A slave is someone who is fully dependent on his master. For me this this is God. It is the fullness of the Trinity that cannot be separated from my life, and because of this I am prepared to live a celibate life, if that is what God has chosen for me.

Because you see, I am not so different from “modern man,” in the same way that many of my peers long for physical intimacy, I long for an intimate union with Christ. In the same way that our society searches for the pleasures of self, I search for the pleasures of the Lord.

We as human beings are made to seek… God. What things like pornography, video games, or any other false idolatry try to do is to emptily attempt to fulfill that void. We are made to seek, but since God is an abstract idea to many of our fellow men, they give up and seek things of this world. I’m not sure why. Maybe because it is easier, perhaps they are afraid of seeking something that they cannot obtain but contains them, or maybe they are just too blind to notice God in all His splendor throughout His creation.

The reason that I am able to seek God through celibacy (as of now), is not because I am any holier, better, or more intelligent than anyone else, but because I am truly seeking God. I have been able to embrace all of my doubts, ineptitudes, and temptations, which has allowed me to seek to serve God before myself.

I am a slave to our Lord, but is there any greater master to whom I could serve?

He is a servant leader and knows me to my core, better than I know myself. In turn He serves me better than I could serve myself.

So I seek Him above and beyond all other things. If that means through lifelong celibacy with the Augustinians I will rejoice. If it means through loving a woman and raising a family I will rejoice. I will rejoice because I am doing His will.

Now trust me, I am not even close to being anywhere near perfect in my pursuit of Christ. I fail everyday. And (the idea of) celibacy is one of the issues that I struggle with the most.

All of my life women have been one my greatest weaknesses. I LOVE THEM!

And I know that I will fail, which is okay. I am perfectly imperfect, God knows that and he loves me anyway. I am also comforted in the fact that as long as I remain rooted in prayer, I will be able to overcome any temptation that the enemy can and will throw at me.

The key to all of this is prayer. Pray everywhere and often. I believe that it was St. Theresa of Avila that said, “Show me someone who prays for fifteen minutes a day and I will show you a saint.” Take that advice and run with it, but remember it will not be easy. Growing in relationship never is.

Love then everything else.

“This perfection consists in voiding and stripping and purifying the soul of every desire. God will give to the soul a new understanding of God in God, the old human understanding being cast aside – and a new love of God in God” –St. John of the Cross